


Define Beauty

by CamilleNicole59



Series: A Character Study [1]
Category: Video Blogging - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, But just a little, Family, Feelings of Inadequacy, Friendship, Gen, Logan-centered, Stress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 11:29:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11599734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CamilleNicole59/pseuds/CamilleNicole59
Summary: Logan is dissatisfied with the isolation that his lack of comprehension brings him, which separates him from the others. As a result, he tries.





	Define Beauty

There were a number, a very great number, of times in which he suffered from a lack of understanding.

Which was the shocking irony. He was Logic; if there was someone who could not be mistaken or perplexed by anything, it should be himself.

Yet, he was. Often enough to be frustrating. He couldn't give credence to the fact that the others suffered (or did they suffer?) with the complex and chaotic emotions yet. No matter how illogical and disadvantaging they were, somehow those _feelings_ succeeded in driving the others together.

* * *

 "Ugh, _why_ , Anxiety? I'm trying to think positively here," groaned Thomas in frustration.

Said aspect responded, raking his hand through his hair, "All I'm saying is, being friendly is great and all, but maybe we should shut everyone else out. It's not like they'll understand you anyway." Virgil twirled his wrist in emphasis, a tick that Logan was still struggling to see the cause of and purpose for, but as always, ~~no such luck~~  he could not succeed.

"Kiddo, I think you could explain your worries a bit better, couldn't you?" Patton asked to encourage more information out of the other.

Virgil produced a mixture of a sigh and a whine, only to obey Patton's wishes. "Thomas, remember when people took _advantage_ of said kindness?"

Thomas didn't answer, and Logan has acquired the knowledge to know it means he does not wish to answer, admitting the undesirable truth while attempting to not be entirely honest. However, he saw that Virgil was slowly gaining Thomas' attention, and ~~jumped in~~  joined the conversation as soon as the anxious aspect was about to speak, resting his cheek on his hand to appear nonchalant.

"While it has happened, and such a situation has a slight chance of becoming truth, to eradicate any and all social interaction would further Thomas' anxiety." Logan glanced at Virgil at the last word. "And we have no way of knowing if we are correct unless an individual would prove that to us during the interaction; therefore, taking such caution is nonsensical," Logan finished with the confidence of a professor, and witnessed Virgil's mood sour.

"Hey, yeah..." Thomas replied, staring but not watching the wall as he made sense of Logan's speech. Then he turned to him. "You're right."

"See, Midnight, as usual, you are overreacti--" Roman cut off as he saw Thomas' glare and cleared his throat. "I mean, not to say your opinion is forever useless, but there is no need to agonize and brood over T's delightful companions."

"Yeah, kiddo! Sure, some people haven't treated Thomas well, but that doesn't mean all should be like that!" Patton spread his arms ~~, swept away~~ in emotion over Virgil. As usual.

And even though the intelligence that Logan provided was sound, only when the others repeated the facts in their own trivialized manner, did Virgil abandon his stubbornness.

He sighed. "Fine, fine, I won't make you suffer," he muttered sarcastically, but he seemed more relieved than before.

Logan could not explain why he... _felt_ bothered by this, when all signs should cause him the opposite. Anxiety was prevented by all of them from turning this relatively productive and positive day into a negative one, Roman was responding with much more improvement towards Virgil himself, and Thomas would be able to have a good night's rest since his doubts would no longer disturb him.

Yet, he was still experiencing this foreign sensation. He decided to dismiss it and ~~chalk it up~~ attribute it to Thomas' exhaustion, which reminded him.

"Seems as if everything is in working order. Therefore, sleep would be a solution after today, and because of your deadlines tomorrow as well, Thomas."

But Roman immediately protested, waving his arms in exaggeration. "Really, Hal 9000? It is only 10pm! Thomas is entitled to enjoy the night and for me to work overtime with no distractions to provide him with the most _glorious_ ideas!"

Logan was about to argue his point before Patton decided to agree with _Roman_ , as well. "Logan, at least let Thomas watch a couple episodes of Steven Universe or The Office. Don't you think he's earned it?"

"He can definitely do that _after_ his responsibilities for tomorrow are completed--"

"Lo, either he tries to figure out the meaning of life, courtesy of me, or he bursts at the seams from rainbows and dragons, _or_ he watches Netflix." Virgil only stared at him as he shamelessly interrupted Logan.

Thomas didn't say anything, only pleaded with his eyes, and Logan's breath flared through his nose as he adjusted his necktie as a reminder of his seriousness. "I do not see why this is necessary."

"Well, kiddo, it may not be, but remember our talk about enjoying simple pleasures? Let him wind down, and then he'll go to sleep!" Patton grinned at him in hopes of swaying him.

Logan supposed (and he was... ~~pained~~  bothered to even admit to himself) that he was ~~out of his league~~ beyond his depth in this topic, and so he, reluctantly, relented.

He sunk out, knowing he wouldn't be needed, since Virgil would grow anxious of Thomas sleeping in when they needed to prepare for another video as well as helping his friend babysit children, and convince Thomas to go to sleep given time.

In the meantime, when he appeared in his room, Logan only picked out _Science and Human Behavior_ by B. F. Skinner, and continued reading where he left off. The human psyche was fascinating, and although that may have been 25% of the reason he was reading the book non-stop, mostly it was for understanding the title itself: _human behavior_.

He read and read, and when he could not interpret a sentence or a paragraph or a whole page, he read it again. He closed the book when he deemed it enough to turn on the television, and put movies and series involving mental illnesses and grief, or laughter and love. Anything that he didn't understand he scrutinized. Because there was nothing Logan could not understand. _Nothing_.

This self-given mission had been going on for weeks now. He did not sense an improvement.

* * *

 

He and Virgil were conversing. Which was becoming more natural and common, for they were now used to their poor socializing skills and their shared dull perspective of life. However, Logan had yet to discover how to use his logic and knowledge to placate the other's sarcasm or sass that was used to mask his unease. For now, the one most successful at the task was Patton, which wasn't a surprise.

The surprise was that during those situations his chest tightened as if his lungs contracted. It disconcerted him. And ~~for the life of him~~ he couldn't figure out why.

"Earth to Logan!" Virgil smirked. "You there?"

Logan blinked, focusing. "I _am_ on Earth, Virgil." To which Virgil rolled his eyes.

~~**That was a telltale sign that he made a mistake.** ~~

"My apologies. I have gotten distracted." He adjusted his glasses, that didn't need adjusting. He could suspect that was one of the... _tics_ that many people do by habit.

Virgil waved him off. "No worries. And _don't_ mention how ironic that sounds."

Logan wore a ghost of a smile as he nodded. He cleared his throat. "What were you saying? I'm afraid I don't remember our earlier topic." As he said this his chest constricted again. He wasn't the one who forgot, no matter how trivial the fact. He chose to listen to distract himself from the growing... _unease_ he was experiencing.

"I just wanted to," Virgil waved his hand noncommittally, then shoved both of them into his hoodie. "Wanted to talk to you about my music." He had grown quieter, and Logan acknowledged that, of the many reasons individuals lower their voices, this one was self-consciousness.

"What band do you wish to speak of?"

Virgil seemed grateful for his decision to disregard his shame and kept speaking, a little less mumbled. "Well, you know of my love for MCR, Fall Out Boy, Evanescence and all that, right?"

"Correct."

"Well, I found some new bands. Well, not new, but I like them now."

If Logan was honest, he would admit that he did not entirely know how to approach Virgil's new, less paranoid speech patterns. He was... softer. Open.

"...Which ones?"

Virgil took a breath. "Panic! At The Disco, twenty one pilots, Skillet..."

"I am perplexed by the... titles."

Virgil chuckled. "Yeah, they don't really make much sense. Well, the twenty one pilots one does have a meaning." He raked his hand through his hair. Tic. "Apparently there's this story in which a company owner or... something, accidentally sells faulty parts for airplanes. And he doesn't know if he should warn about it or keep quiet, 'cause he's worried that the company would fall if they knew that the parts sold were faulty, but at the same time, people's lives could be endangered."

"What did he do?"

"He was selfish. And because of that, twenty-one pilots died. That spoke deep levels into the singer and song-writer, so the name stuck."

"That is a very interesting story."

"Tbh, I just started listening to those bands because I thought I could..." He snapped his fingers repeatedly. "Tip of my tongue-- _expand_ \-- I thought I could expand my music taste. I mean, they're popular, have been for a while. I just didn't want to listen because everyone did."

"You... lost me there."

He looked at Logan, confused. "What?"

"What do you mean by not wanting to 'listen because everyone did'?"

The other man sighed. Shrugged. "I don't know. I just don't like to be forced around by society."

Logan frowned, but didn't push it. As much as it... ~~pained~~ disturbed him, he doubted he would ever understand what he meant.

* * *

 

Roman was watching a Disney movie that strangely, had no songs, as Logan walked in. It was vaguely familiar, but he never paid Roman's frivolous movies any attention after all. But this time he believed he should attempt to comprehend the reason why Roman adored them so much.

He sat on the couch, twelve inches away from him, watching the film. Roman looked at him in... shock, and paused the movie.

"Do you wish to see a documentary?" he queried suspiciously.

Logan hesitated. "Don't concern yourself with that. I am only trying to understand the meaning behind this." He waved at the screen for emphasis (like Virgil had done).

Roman grinned and immediately started the movie from the beginning.

It was apparently called _Inside Out_. Roman explained it was technically a Pixar movie, though it was owned by Disney. Logan was surprised at the coincidence the film brought. It focused on the human psyche as well, but in a simpler method for children, or in this case, Roman.

He saw colorful figures, the emotions, controlling Riley, as if she were an aero-plane rather than a human being. Logan frowned, and Roman mirrored it when he glanced at Logan, which he kept doing to study his reactions.

"It's for children, calculus!"

"I didn't say anything."

Roman huffed, but resumed watching.

Logan saw as Joy kept pushing Sadness away in everything she did, and he was subtly reminded of Roman's past treatment of Virgil.

It was obvious how Riley was... upset with moving to San Francisco, but he was confused by her irrational anger and ultimately her idea to run away. But then again, they were caused by Anger, who was _always_ irrational. That's not to say the others aren't either.

But Joy realized that the answer to Riley's strange condition was Sadness. To receive the attention she needed and accept help. Logan reckoned that much made sense.

Alas, there would never be a showcase of Logan's mind. He realized that maybe the one in the wrong was himself, since not even he could comprehend his own mind and its lack of emotional turmoil everyone else had.

As the movie ended with a touch of humor, Roman turned to him with a raised eyebrow.

Logan decided to ~~stretch the truth~~  mislead him a small amount. "It was enlightening, to say the least."

Roman's demeanor picked up energy. "That means you liked it, yes?"

Logan nodded. "It is a helpful way to teach children of something so fundamental. Much better than those _other_ cartoons." Those last couple of sentences were not falsehoods.

~~**It did not mean he understood one bit of emotion and behavior.** ~~

* * *

One day (or was it night?) he decided to take a diminutive respite from his self-appointed research. His skin felt viscous, he suffered from a headache that might as well be a migraine, his shoulders and chest weighed like lead, and his body was threatening him to collapse.

How had he allowed it to go this far? It was clear he suffered from malnutrition and insomnia, but various symptoms he could not place. He allowed himself to shower and drank thirstily his cup of water, but soon thoughts invaded, and his head pounded painfully in response. He tried to remember what he had to do, but couldn't. So he opened books once again, turned on the virtual screen, read and watched, read and watched until he slumped on his swivel chair and failed at keeping his eyes open for little more than three seconds. **Failed to continue learning.**

* * *

 

He snapped awake at three in the morning, his mind reeling. He stumbled over to the bathroom and hissed at the brightness of the lightbulb after fiddling with the switch. 

He did not recognize the man in the mirror. Dark bags swelling around hollow cheeks, disheveled hair and frail limbs. He splashed water into his visage, rubbed his eyes, then looked again. It was clear he was not hallucinating. He could not let this go on any longer.

Knowing the others were asleep, he grabbed the leftover salad and pasta, served himself a couple of glasses of water, and collapsed onto the bed once more. 

Two hours of no sleep later, he sprinted to the bathroom once more and vomited before he could reach his destination. He choked and gagged into the toilet, even though there was barely anything his stomach could send back up. His senses swimed, and he finally realized he was suffering the symptoms of _anxiety_ itself.

* * *

 

Patton was still sometimes unbearable, but Logan understood that he was only concerned for the others' well-being and _happiness_. In turn, he attempted to have increased his patience for his whimsical behavior.

But now, fifteen days later, even after Logan had taken it upon himself to take _some_ control of his erratic behavior, he would still rather Patton ignore him as he had the past two (three?) weeks.

As of now, Logan was occupied in his room, studying yet _another_ website that focuses on psychology, when he suddenly felt a pressure on his shoulders. He hadn't even heard the door open. And he flinched heavily.

As everyone knew, he wasn't accustomed to physical touch. That doesn't mean they always remembered that. So, his reaction caused a gasp, which ruled out Virgil. The man was never as dramatic as the other two sides, contrary to popular opinion. But if it was Roman, he wouldn't have been as concerned by his reaction to the touch, which ruled him out as well.

Logan sighed quietly, trying in vain to control his quickened heartbeat. "What is it, Patton?"

"I'm sorry, kiddo," the other apologized, sounding guilty. "I just wanted you to come out of your room and spend time with us."

"Is there a need for my presence?"

"Well, if you could call it that... It's just, you keep to yourself too much these days. I know Virgil does it too, but I convinced him to hang with us tonight!" Logan turned his head to see him in his periphery.

For some reason he was massaging his shoulders. Before he could question it, Patton unknowingly answered it for him as he muttered, "Jeez, kiddo, your shoulders are very tense." He clapped his hands once in... excitement. "You see? You _do_ need a break! And we all miss you!"

Logan knew he would not bear Patton's begging if he refused, therefore he turned to him completely and accepted. "What are you doing tonight?"

Patton's grin made Logan wonder if it would snap his face in half. "Why, we're gonna play Uno!"

Logan frowned. "That game brings out the competitiveness of myself and others. Are you certain we are going to have... fun?"

"Sure, we are, Logan! Now come on... Did you... eat anything today?" That last question made Patton involuntarily furrow his brows in... concern. The question also gave Logan pause.

_Had_ he eaten anything today...? He didn't remember. Which was even more disturbing. While his habits have been less than ideal, he still forced himself to eat _something._

Before he could rack his brain for a memory of something related with sustenance, connected with the time frame of the current day, Patton took his silence (much like Thomas' silence) as an answer. He sighed, but smiled, albeit a little dimmer. "Let's get you something to eat, then."

As they walked to the common room, Logan, before being interrupted, proceeded his ransacking of his own mind, but found... nothing. _Nothing_. He hadn't eaten today. Or drunk anything. His whole _purpose_ was to make sure Thomas was living and working in a healthy and productive state and environment. But if he couldn't take care of himself, how could he take care of Thomas? Come to think of it, he hadn't even ~~checked~~ verified if Thomas was in acceptable conditions _ **for two weeks.**_

He vaguely heard a voice. "...kay, kid..."

He willed his vision to focus (why had it _lost_ its focus?) on the figure ahead of him, which was still Patton, but not far behind him were the other sides and Thomas. They were all in the common room. All of their eyes expressed that emotion that was shown on the child posters to teach empathy at a young age, and that emotion was... worry. They were worried. Why?

Logan blinked. "What is the matter?"

Virgil decided to enlighten him, for he shifted his balance, his arms crossed in a way that Logan realized was to protect himself (from what he wasn't sure). "You are," he answered softly.

Two words ~~threw~~  stunned Logan ~~for a loop~~. He was perplexed at the least. "I am?"

Roman stepped in. "My fellow nerd, you are not acting," he waved his arms erratically at him, "quite like yourself."

"I've been forgetting to do the _simplest_ of tasks," said Thomas, who appeared... angry, as he rubbed his temples. "Terrence called me to yell in my ear cause he had to deal with _five kids_ alone! I forgot to go shopping, couldn't make a video following my schedule, I've been forgetting to _eat_ and _sleep_."

**_He truly_ has _failed._ **

"Which gave me more work to do," continued Anxiety, who now Logan realized was exhausted. Virgil's gaze slid to the floor. "Apologies wouldn't cut it. He said he would find another _friend_ to help." Tears welled in his eyes as he muttered the last words through clenched teeth. "Fans were completely disappointed, I keep feeling as if we're gonna _die_ \--" he cut himself off from his rambling. He never loses control like this, which led Logan to believe he felt a failure as well.

Patton placed a hand on Logan's shoulder, and although it wasn't nearly as sudden or as forceful as a minute ago, he still flinched away from it. But Patton wasn't discouraged this time. "We all have our bad days, just talk to us!"

Logan clenched his jaw as a headache formed. "I thought you wanted to play a frivolous game to develop our _friendship_ ," he spat. Why did he sound so ~~venomous~~ hostile, like Roman? Wasn't he supposed to be objective? ~~**When was he ever?**~~

"We _were!_ " yelled Patton, which succeeded in causing Logan to flinch even ~~harder~~  more severely. He did not anticipate Patton, of all, to become angry. "But on top of it all, you haven't eaten a thing! You're distracted, all the time now! And I can't believe I didn't realize it until today!" Tears also welled in his eyes. He was also remorseful.

Logan, was.  **Overwhelmed. ~~Everything, all evidence points to the guilty.~~**

He hadn't realized his palms and forehead were sweating as his hands had also clenched to fists. How _fascinating_! the way hands and teeth clenched, but in such different methods...

**And then someone slapped him.** His head jerked to the side. He heard Virgil and Patton yelp distantly.

He slowly turned his head to see his oppressor, fearing the worst. The Prince was seething. "You do not disregard him after he worries and cries over you," he muttered, strangely subdued. "And you do _not_ disregard Virgil _or_ Thomas when you caused their suffering. In case you have forgotten, you are necessary to Thomas as well as all of us, wether you _comprehend_  that or not. I will _not_ take your disrespect after weeks, _weeks_  of _you_ not doing your _job_."

He pointed accusingly as his voice steadily increased in volume.

Thomas tried to pull Roman back but he pushed him away without glancing at him.

Logan was disquieted by his quickened heartbeat. His hands had now begun to shake. He was reminded of Virgil somehow. But, _why_ was he reminded of Virgil?

His breath was shallower than he thought normal. And as Roman seemed to stare into his _**soul (did he have one?)**_ it only grew quicker.

"I..." Logan was _never_ **atalossforwords** \-- why? he couldn't be **atalossforwords** \--

"Would you spit it out already?!" Roman screamed. "It is not that challenging. Apologize."

He ~~compared~~  likened himself to a fish, constantly opening and closing his mouth, but nothing would come out. nothing _nothing **nothing.**_

"Princey, stop! He's freaking out!"

Who was that? Who was he? What was his **_~~damn~~ purpose_**?

The man in front of him stepped back. And there was no immediate danger. The situations of today were not strictly disaster.

Yet he failed. He failed **hefailed.**

He had not realized he had collapsed to the floor. Everything was faraway, distant. And as his vision tunneled and his lungs decided to give up and his heart palpitated, he vaguely, thought-- _**I deserve cardiac arrest.**_

* * *

 

Blurry vision paired with colors and too loud and too distant voices and disconnected limbs barely focused into a man rubbing his arms and... Counting. _Yes_. Counting. He counted when this happened. Not _**cardiac arrest**_ **.** _Anxiety attack_.

"One... ree... four... one..."

He willed his eyes to remain open and on--Virgil? Yes, he was Virgil-- his ears to listen and focus on numbers and patterns and numbers and patterns only.

His thought processes were little more than a _mess_. His lexicon was narrowed to a simpler usage, his focus took a vacation. But Virgil was patient, Virgil was always patient when it came to this.

Only, _this_  had never happened to _**Logan**_.

Everything slowly cleared. Virgil seemed almost as frazzled as he felt. Roman soothed a weeping Patton, looking ashamed. Thomas, his eyes quickly slipping from one side to the other, seemed at a loss for what to do.

**Which was only logical. The only one who could give him a solution to a complication was Logan himself.**

His ragged breathing calmed somewhat, enough for him to breath within the pattern Virgil resolutely laid out for him.

Four seconds in. Seven held in. Eight out. Repeat.

Such practicality is something Logan discerned that he desperately needed. Something that was no longer common in the Mindscape and within the others.

He was weary. He supposed it made sense if his body malfunctioned due to the attack. And also because he realized he hadn't had a good night's rest for three weeks, twenty-one days, five hundred and four hours.

He paused. Then a laugh ripped out of him. Coincidence might have been the funniest jest.

Virgil looked even more stressed. He stopped counting. "Logan?"

He wheezed, but this time because of a much different and foreign emotion than the last time. "...twenty one days." He looked at Virgil. "I've been stressed out for twenty one days."

Virgil blinked, and then burst out cackling along with him, interrupted by unpredictable snorting.

Roman was terrified. He whispered to Patton and Thomas, who appeared as confused as he was, "Have they gone insane?"

Patton, however, smiled softly. "Ignore that, Roman. They're _laughing_."

Thomas was finally at peace. He grinned as well. "I never knew I needed this until now."

* * *

 

Thomas had summoned Logan to the living room. The others were not there. Logan immediately searched for a seemingly unsolvable situation, an equation, or an assignment that needed his expertise in how to use time to not waste it or to stop for a respite that would be needed. When nothing of the sort was found, he looked expectantly to Thomas, who was shifting his weight between his feet (much like Virgil had when he tried to explain their earlier predicament).

Thomas opened his mouth and closed it several times, and Logan waited patiently, something he and Roman had begun practicing for the sake of respect and to avoid the disaster that was the conversation four days ago.

"Logan... what made you do... what you've been doing this whole time?"

Logan connected his palms, and put the tips of his fingers against his lips. Something Sherlock Holmes would do when thinking, but also something religious people would assimilate to a prayer.

Perhaps he was doing both.

"Well..." Logan was once again at a loss for words, but Patton had taught him that it was nothing to be ashamed of. He attempted to convert abstract and subconscious thought to words. "I am not certain I know the answer. But as many adolescents feel in their learning environments, I believe I was feeling... isolated. I deduced that if I comprehended the meaning and purpose of so many... illogical, mental traits, the feeling would not remain."

"Did it work?"

Logan's shoulders involuntarily slumped. "Not as I had hoped."

"Well, do you want to ask me something? So that maybe I could explain it to you?"

Logan adjusted his glasses (tic), and placed his hand against his mouth, arm propped by the other, while he pondered. Then he snapped his fingers once (tic stolen by Virgil), as he found his ideal query. "Define beauty."

Thomas grinned, giggled in surprise. "You _had_ to ask the difficult one."

A ghost of a smile was his response. "I assume that's why it's the one I chose to ask."

Thomas mused on that, humming noncommittally. "There are too many definitions for beauty. I guess that's why there's the saying: _“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”_ But I think there are some things that most people share their opinion of being considered beautiful. Like the view of a sunrise, or the stars sprinkling the night sky. Baby animals are cute as heck, too. Or a mixture of colors or a poetic verse, a simple or complex melody. Anything can be beautiful, really. I guess it is as long as you would look at it or hear it or feel it and never be tired of it."

Logan nodded, pondering. "Enlightening." This time, it was not falsehood. And Thomas smiled. Which caused him to smile in return.

"See?" asked Thomas, his smile widening to a grin, as he pointed at Logan's lips. "That's rare. _That's_ what makes it beautiful."

* * *

 

Several days later, they were all seated on the couch, Logan not exactly minding that Roman was three inches away on one side and Patton crushed against him on the other. Virgil sat in the arm of the furniture on the left, while Thomas was beside Roman to the right.

They were watching _My Sister's Keeper_ , with snacks and handkerchiefs on the coffee table ahead of them (they admitted it was a tearjerker). Virgil wore his hoodie, with the hood covering most of his head and bangs covering his eyes in turn, and told them that after this movie Thomas was getting an MRI. Logan frowned in confusion.

Half an hour later, he was no longer confused. It was about a family trying to deal with a daughter and sister who suffered from leukemia, since childhood to teenage years.

Patton was already rubbing away the slow tears sliding down his cheeks (he admitted he doesn't know how he would bear what that mother was going through). Roman was terrified of illness claiming and prohibiting him from exploring the outside, even if it was just a beach. And Virgil seemed to relate too much to Kate, who was contemplating death with pleasure. That fact made Patton begin sobbing and hugged him from the side, as Virgil quietly apologized for making him even more upset. Thomas held onto his pillow like a lifeline, reminded of his own brothers.

Logan could understand the grief the family was undergoing. Through most of the movie, the mother, Sara, experienced denial that her daughter would die, which was the first stage of grief. It was shown how Kate suffered through all the stages until she accepted her death, which was the fifth and last. Anna was angry that they kept taking her right to choose if she accepted to undergo the many surgeries, on the off-chance it would save her sister, or keep her alive a while longer; as well that Jesse was irate that their mother wouldn't comprehend nor accept Kate's wishes. Both siblings mostly experienced the second stage of grief.

While the others were saddened by the loss the family underwent, loss of health and of peace, Logan was terrified of how useless fact can be. Science has failed, as it has many times throughout history, with terminal illness. The fact that while scientists haven't found the solution, so many were sacrificed, was enough for his stomach to drop. And while he was usually frustrated that tears would never come to his eyes, he was satisfied that he did feel some of the loss. All the others had ways to empathize with the family. Logan empathized with the doctors. He suspected that he was learning after all.

* * *

 

Patton decided he and Logan could read Challenger Deep, by Neal Shusterman. He told Logan it would help him empathize with people suffering from mental illness. Logan accepted, and he read it aloud while Patton listened. It was about a fifteen-year-old boy that confused reality with fantasy. He was currently at school, an intelligent student whose grades suddenly started slipping, but he was also a pirate, living in a senseless world, forever their destination being the deepest sea in the planet, Challenger Deep.

The boy, Caden Bosch, suffered from Schizophrenia, and Logan was shown from the boy's perspective how once he was diagnosed his life turned to constant medicinal drugs, and sterile rooms and hallways, and helpless and ashamed parents. Again, Logan learned how science and medicine could ruin life socially, which was as important to mental healing as were the drugs themselves. They couldn't finish the book in the same day, for Patton grew emotional.

"Could we finish it tomorrow, kiddo? Somehow Virgil keeps going to mind." He sniffed.

Logan silently agreed. Though both Anxiety and Bosch were different, what with Caden's delusions making him feel important and all-knowing, he also became paranoid and anxious, thinking that the world was afraid of such knowledge and power, and that they would kill him; or that a disaster would come that only he could see coming and stop. Which only helped both Logan and Patton empathize more in how Caden suffered, as the reminder of Virgil remained in their minds.

* * *

Logan stood beside Roman, staring at a painting. While they weren't seen by other people at the museum, they were still summoned by Thomas so that all, including Logan, could appreciate the art.

Roman's pupils could have taken the form of hearts if it was physically possible. He stared in awe at the painting of Ophelia, a woman that had appeared in the Shakespearean drama Hamlet. Logan did not understand why she was so peaceful, as she would drown in the lake she floated on. He read the text from Shakespeare's work on the plaque below the framed picture.

**_"There, on the pendent boughs her coronet weeds_**  
**_Clambering to hang, an envious sliver broke;_**  
**_When down her weedy trophies and herself_**  
**_Fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide,_**  
**_And, mermaid-like, awhile they bore her up;_**  
**_Which time she chanted snatches of old tunes,_**  
**_As one incapable of her own distress,_**  
**_Or like a creature native and indued_**  
**_Unto that element; but long it could not be_**  
**_Till that her garments, heavy with their drink,_**  
**_Pull'd the poor wretch from her melodious lay_**  
**_To muddy death."_**

Roman placed a finger along his eye to catch a tear before it slid down his cheek, even though right now, the only one who could witness it was the one that noticed already. Logan concluded that it was a habit of Roman's to push down emotions society and the patriarchy commonly considered weak, like sorrow. Logan glanced at him for the second time, and Roman realized he awaited an explanation for the painting. He sighed, but Logan could guess it was more because of the painting that influenced the Prince's emotions somehow than annoyance at his ignorance. He hoped.

"Some people cannot handle grief as well as others," Roman began, silently. "Pain can lead one to become a shell of oneself. Or another to become mad. Ophelia, in this case, is the latter." He gazed at the oil painting once more. "Mad people do... illogical things, more so than those who are sane. Which is why she did not fear nor acknowledge drowning. She sang to her death."

__

"Why is it that individuals who have lost their sanity seem so..." He pointed his hand at the painting, but could not settle for a better word. "...happy?"

__

"They're not." Roman seemed somber as he patiently taught him another lesson. "Some seem so, but they're all suffering. They only choose to either accept their pain or dismiss it, in the unhealthy way. Take the Joker."

__

Logan cringed as he remember the horrors he had caused on the second of Christopher Nolan's _The Dark Knight Trilogy_.

__

"He certainly seems like he is having a good time, creating chaos, killing, and bringing people down to his level," said Roman, quietly. "But compare that joy to the one in _Inside Out_. Which one is more real? Which one is healthier?"

__

"The latter," the other said without hesitation.

__

Roman nodded. "Ophelia isn't happy, the Joker isn't happy, evan Kate, though happy to die, wasn't happy either. Patton _is_ happy. Riley _is_ happy. You follow, Jarvis?"

__

Logan crossed his arms. "I did follow, until you compared me to artificial intelligence for the umpteenth time." He realized he had clenched his jaw again, and Roman covered his mouth with his hand, his eyes widening. Maybe he was wrong for thinking Roman wouldn't care for his reactions.

__

"I'm sorry! Force of habit. You're not a machine, it's true." Roman was not looking at him.

__

Logan had yet to get used to Roman's still present... guilt of his treatment of him five days ago. He supposed it would continue to be present for a while, and perhaps longer if he didn't pay it any heed.

__

"It's alright, Roman. I _have_ called you vapid and slow-witted once. I was proven wrong."

__

The Prince furrowed his brows and placed a hand on his chest, confused. "Pardon?"

__

"I have discovered that, in 1983, American developmental psychologist Howard Gardener theorized that there are nine types of intelligence. Naturalist, musical, logical-mathematical, existential, interpersonal, bodily-kinesthetic, and linguistic." Logan slowly smiled. "We _all_ are intelligent in some way or another. My ignorance has caused me to make a mistake. Therefore, I ask for your forgiveness."

__

Roman had tears in his eyes, and Logan immediately thought he was saying the wrong thing. But Roman must have seen his rising perturbation, and held out his hands to somehow stop him. "No! People... people cry from happiness too." He sighed, seeming frustrated. "Why would you apologize to _me_? Don't you remember the hurt I caused you more than once?"

__

"I do. But I have also caused hurt. I did not comprehend anything other than physical hurt, and did not realize I was... wounding you as well. I accept your apology, but I wish you would accept mine." Logan held out his hand expectantly.

__

Roman hesitated, his eyes expressing wave after wave of emotion (soon, he would understand all which Roman expressed), then stepped closer and shook his hand. "I forgive you... friend."

__

Though he could not explain it, his smile widened, and warmth spread from his chest to his every limb.

__

_So this is what Patton must experience on a daily basis._  

__

He hoped that he could get used to this emotion.

__

****

__

__

**Author's Note:**

> SOOO, after various tries of writing fanfiction, I succeeded with this oneshot. I hope you enjoy it! Personally I'm pretty proud of it. I also tried really hard for the characters to NOT be OOC, I even spent a lot of time on Google looking for words to sound as professional as Logan is, cause this is his POV, as you can see.
> 
> Let me know if it seems like the first (or second, the first one was awful) fic I've ever published or not!
> 
> Edit 7/27/2017: I realized there were various errors and decided to fix them until 12:30 in the morning, WAY past my bedtime. I also added more detail, cause I'm a perfectionist! Hope you enjoy!
> 
> AND I wanted to add that amazing author firesfly has kinda inspired me in all the characterizations of the characters. You should check out her work!


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